Monday, 11/15 I know, it's been a while! There was just too much emotional turmoil in my life during the first couple of weeks of this month. Everything's smoothed out now, though; at least, for a while. *grin*

I had such a good time at Mom and Dad's this weekend. Mel and I got through the whole weekend without yelling at each other even once - no mean feat, considering one of us had a raging case of PMS! The dogs just get along so well that, after an initial frenzied hour upon our arrival (which we spent mostly outside), they calmed down and became the primary source of entertainment. And you know something really funny? Jaeger obeys his Dad in an instant, but he'll push the limits with his Mom if he thinks he can. IMO, Penny was better behaved than Jaeger, in general; she's a lot quieter indoors and he's restless - always moving and hating to settle down anywhere except on the sofa, which he's not allowed to do at Mom and Dad's. Penny just takes herself off to a quiet spot - behind Dad's rocker, or between the wall and the dining room table, tucked in behind a spare chair, plops down and goes to sleep.

I'm "hammed-out" - last weekend Mom fixed ham for Saturday dinner. This Saturday, she had scalloped potatoes and ham ready when we got there. Yesterday, they all went shopping while I stayed home with the dogs (yeah right - I just wanted some quiet time!), and I had a ham sandwich for dinner. Today, Mom fed us ham sandwiches for lunch before we left. I don't think I'll have a craving for ham for a while! In two weeks, I'm probably going to feel this way about turkey, too. *grin*

Thanksgiving dinner is at Mel's this year. Mom is making me crazy trying to nail down the details for who's driving where and when and who's picking up who at what time. I keep telling her that we should make a basic/tentative plan, and finalize all the details the day before - it's easier to cope with adjustments if things stay flexible until then. But no. She's gotta make us crazy. And then make us even crazier each time something changes, something that'll happen a dozen times between now and then. And right after Thanksgiving comes Christmas (oh, joy) and New Year's Eve - I can't wait for "are you sure you don't want to come up here on New Year's Eve? Won't you feel bad being alone?" I haven't the heart to tell her that a woman my age drinking Pepsi, watching TV, and having homemade dip and chips with her mom and dad on New Year's Eve is a whole lot more pathetic than me staying home alone, drinking champagne, celebrating the turn of the century with appreciation of the gravity of the event, and putting party hats on the animals! Not to mention which, I want to get all the internet time I can before midnight, just in case the power/phone/heat goes away for a while!

Wednesday, 11/17 It's been a busy couple of days. Yesterday, I went shopping for non-perishables. I'm so in the habit of only picking up enough groceries for today and maybe tomorrow that I forget that I can get bags and bags of stuff now and not have to carry it all home on foot or in my little red cart. Meijer was having a sale on Freshlike canned vegetables - $0.33 a can - so I bought 15 cans of vegetables and a quart jar of Miracle Whip (also on sale). Next stop: Kroger. They had quart bottles of Wesson cannola oil on sale 2/$3 with the Kroger card, so now I have enough cannola oil to last me probably a year. Frozen Pillsbury pie crusts, 2/$2 with the Kroger card, so I got 4. (I'm responsible for Thanksgiving dessert - I'm making apple, pumpkin, and lemon meringue pies.) Lots and lots of liter bottles of flavored seltzer, 2/$1 - that saved quite a bit, and it's a lot better for me than all the soda I've been drinking! (The water here tastes funny to me - it's hard for me to drink it unless it's really icy cold - so I've been drinking a lot of soda.) Fixin's for the pies, including a bag of Ida Red and a bag of Jonathan apples. 6 cans of tuna - on sale, of course.

Next stop, pick up my other pair of glasses - they made the right lens wrong the first time. Then Popoff's Meat to get a 40-pound case of chicken backs for Penny. A stop for gas, another for two packs of cigarettes (enough to get me through tonight, 'cause I'm doing the Great American Smokeout tomorrow). Finally, home. Then an hour's work pulling the extra fat off the backs and repackaging them into Ziplocs for the freezer. (Good thing I remembered to take Tink up to Mom and Dad's last weekend to bury her - there wouldn't have been any room in the freezer for the chicken!) Sat and rested a few minutes, then I actually cooked myself dinner - breaded, baked porkchops, fresh asparagus (with a little Old Bay seasoning sprinkled on top), and yellow rice. Yum, yum! (I wasn't quite so motivated, today - I had leftover porkchops for breakfast/lunch, and a scrambled-egg sandwich for dinner. *grin*)

Today, I printed out a dozen copies of my resume, got a decent interviewing outfit ready to go, and got rid of the grey at my temples. Once again, I look 10 years younger than I really am. *very big grin* I made a bargain with my sis on Monday - she agreed to try not smoking tomorrow if I agreed to put in 3 applications. I e-mailed her today to tell her I've set up 5 appointments with employment agencies for tomorrow; she e-mailed back that I should let her know how it goes, and she'll tell me if she has any employees left at the end of the day!

I did some claw-clipping today - got 10 of the cats done with very little fuss. Got a couple of Penny's nails clipped, too, but had to quit after I hit the quick and she started to bleed. The look on her face was "Mommy, why did you hurt me?!" and I felt really, really bad. They have to be cut before a week from Sunday, though, so I think maybe I'll take her to the vet or a groomer and let them do it. (I know - I'm a wimp. But almost every time I clip her nails, I cut one too short and make poor Penny bleed like a stuck pig. I wonder if she'd let me file them?)

It's nearly midnight, and I'm going to bundle up and go out to see if I can see any of the Leonid meteor shower. The best time is supposed to be between midnight and 2 am, and the skies are crystal clear here tonight, so it should be a good show - lots of falling stars to wish upon. Then to bed! I'm gonna need a good night's sleep if I'm going to not smoke and do all that interviewing to boot!

Friday, 11/19 A post at Cat Fights got me thinking about an old love today and I realized that, even after 8 years, I still miss him. And I'm still carrying a bit of a torch for him - probably always will. It's funny how life works - he was the right guy for me, but the timing was off. When I met him, he'd been separated from his wife for 5 years and they were still unable to come to a divorce agreement. He had three wonderful, handsome, smart boys, and their mother went out of her way to try to estrange them from him. He'd call and ask when their next little league game was and she'd tell him Wednesday. When they played on Tuesday and he didn't show up, she'd tell the kids "Well, I guess he doesn't love you." What a nasty bitch! Consequently, he wasn't emotionally available.

There are 4 areas where I need to be compatible with a mate. The first (and easiest) requirement is sexual compatibility - even he's not the most athletic lover, or doesn't have a great deal of finesse, if he's willing to please he can be taught. The second area is emotional availability - a man has to meet me, if not half way, then at least mostly half way, and be willing to invest in me as much as I'm willing to invest in him. The third area is philosophical outlook - we don't need to be the same religion (in fact, I have problems with almost all organized religion), but we need to be coming from the same basic view of life. The final area, and the most difficult to find compatibility, is in the intellectual arena - if a guy can't play Jeopardy! with me without getting creamed, he hasn't got a chance. I need to be able to converse and debate with someone who can hold his own. I've known some wonderfully sweet men who were dumb as fence posts. And I've known some incredibly intelligent men who were jerks, boring, egocentric, or just plain old assholes.

Ray met my needs in 3 of the 4 areas - the sex was wonderful. Just right. His outlook on life was very similar to my own. And he was smart - his bachelor's degree was in history, and he taught school for a couple of years. We had some great discussions! But he was unable to trust a woman again. I had the best date of my life with this man - we went to a Phillies game, and even though I'm a baseball fanatic, Ray's baseball knowledge amazed me. He called every pitch the entire game before it was thrown, and he called the right pitch (curve, fastball, slider, etc.) probably about 95% of the time. After the game, we sat on the tailgate of his truck and drank beer and talked until the parking lot emptied out. Then we went back to my house, showered together, and then I flew down the hall to the bedroom and flung myself face down on the bed. He came and sat cross-legged on the bed next to me and rubbed my butt and tickled my back for over half an hour while we continued our discussion. (We had some of our best discussions while we were nekkid *grin*) In the morning he was soooooo sweet, coming back up on the porch 3 times to kiss me goodbye again. (One time he unzipped my robe a little and kissed my left breast - his favorite, he said. I think it's 'cause it was the one closest to him when we slept.)

Then my construction job was coming to an end and my company wanted to transfer me to New York. I was devastated - I wanted to stay in south NJ and stay with Ray!! I looked for another job, but couldn't find one. Then my landlord, who'd allowed me to go month-to-month after the 1-year lease was up, decided he'd rather have someone who could sign a new lease so they gave me 60 days notice. It was a wake-up call, sorta like God was saying to me "In case you still don't get it, I want you in NY!! You won't have a job if you don't go, and even if you find one where you are you won't have a place to live! Pack it up and get going!!" Oddly enough, Ray was the one who gave me the courage to go. He told me "You're gonna be just fine there. I know you're scared, and I know you don't want to leave, but it's a wonderful opportunity and you belong there. You need to get out of this little backwater!" In retrospect, he was right. But it broke my heart to leave.

There have been men, since then. A stage hand who was both friend and lover, and who introduced me to Alec Baldwin (they went to school together) when he was doing "A Streetcar Named Desire" on Broadway. And the construction worker who begged me to marry him. (But he had this pedestal he wanted to put me up on, and I found it a very uncomfortable place to be. And he had a serious coke problem, too, not to mention a volatile temper and a very possessive, jealous nature.) And then there was Davy, my sweet young Irish lad, who lived with me for a year before I kicked him out. I loved Dave, and he loved me, but he wouldn't marry me because I was "too old" - I was 13 years older than he. Dave and I stayed were always good friends, and I missed having my best friend around for a while after we broke up. But several months later we were able to be friends again, and we remained close until I moved. But I still miss Ray. I'll probably dream about him tonight.

I'm pretty much reconciled to carrying on a grand old family tradition of spinster aunthood. My father's two sisters never married, nor did my mom's sister. I guess we can't all meet the man of our dreams, much less marry him, settle down, and have kids. Hell, I can't even find one to roll around in the hay with! It's been almost 2 years since I slept with anybody except the cats and the dog. Celibacy is not my favorite condition!

Tuesday, 11/23 Full moon, tonight. Can't see it here because it's raining like crazy, but I know it's out there! I'd know even if I had no calendar, windows, etc., just by observing the behavior of my Zoo. They've been a kind of good weird, though - everybody's been ultra cuddly - I just caught Loverboy and Mr. French curled up in the same chair!!! These are the two fellows who'd have "singing" duels if they got within 15 feet of each other less than a year ago. Oh! The cat opera I used to have to listen to!!!

I did the "big" litterbox chore today, as opposed to the "little" job of just changing them. They all got disinfected, scrubbed, and sun-dried (there was a little sun this afternoon - about 2 hours' worth). I was exausted and covered with litterbox dirt and sweat by the time I was finished - I took a quick shower and then had to sit and relax for half an hour or so. I printed out some information on supplements to treat Alzheimer's disease to give to my mom. Dad's memory is slipping - he can remember stuff from his youth quite clearly, but his short-term memory is getting really bad. And it's frustrating the hell out of him. So I did a little research and found a couple of supplements that have had very positive results in clinical trials with Alzheimer's patients. He refuses to take ginko biloba - says it makes his brain too active. I'm going to try to convince him to start with a smaller dose - half a pill or even a quarter - and build up gradually from there. It hurts me to see him so frustrated, and it's making my mom truly nuts.

Mom and Dad are picking up the turkey at the Amish farm tomorrow morning, and they'll be coming by here early afternoon to pick up Penny and me. Then we'll head over to Mel's and start working. I'll be baking the pies tomorrow, and then we "girls" will be up early Thursday to make stuffing, put the bird in the oven, etc. The sweet potatoes are my responsibility, too - I sorta made up my own recipe for them, and they come out really, really good. I'm about the only one that likes sweet potatoes, though. The rest of 'em don't know what they're missing!!

Penny has her big test on Sunday. She's all ready except for the bath she needs, and she'll get that in the morning. (She just takes a shower with me - she's such a good girl!) I would wait until Saturday to bathe her, except Aunt Jo is going to come to Mel's on Thursday and she's such an old fusspot that I'm sure she'll find Penny far less objectionable if she's clean. *grin* So, if Jaeger decides he wants to tumble all over the grass tomorrow with Penny, she'll just have to go to the evaluation with grass stains. She's vaccinated, she's licensed, her nails are clipped, and she'll be brushed out nicely - so what if she's partly green?!

Mel e-mailed me today that she's a really cool "aunt" because she got two lamb shanks today - one for Penny and one for Jaeger - so the doggies can have their own "Thanksgiving dinner". She figures they'll enjoy it, and there won't be any begging at the table. Who begs?! Not Penny!! She's been very well trained to simply lie at my feet and wait for me to sneak her little treats under the table!

I've been doing some crochet work again. I dug out the blanket I started last year and quit working on when it got warm in the spring. I worked on it Saturday night and most of the day on Sunday, and finished it Sunday night. It's done in granny squares, and I had 15 squares left to make, and then a lot of stitching together to do. I put it on the bed, took some pics (which I'll post when I get the roll developed), and then snuggled down under it and stayed toasty warm all night. It's really beautiful! Today, I started a new project for a BB friend. I was going to make some little kitty afghans for her, but I decided that, after she's out in the cold feeding her alley cats for hours she might enjoy having something warm to wrap around herself, so I'm making her a shawl. It's an easy pattern, and quite pretty. And I'm using my favorite yarn that's 80% acrylic and 20% wool, so it'll wash and wear well, and stay nice and soft and warm. Gotta get it finished by Monday so I can get it in the mail.

Tomorrow's going to be a busy day - I've got to bathe Penny, go to the bank, the post office, and a couple of other places, then I've got to get the living room, bathroom, and kitchen into an acceptable condition in case either Mom or Dad wants to come in when they pick me up at 2. The last time they came down, they arrived an hour and 15 minutes early - I told mom to call me when they leave (I know how long it takes to get from there to here) so I'll be ready when they get here. I'll pop in on the BB for a few minutes in the morning while I have my coffee and make a list of everything I need to take with me to make the pies and the spuds - I wonder if Mel has cornstarch........

I won't be diarizing again for a few days - I won't be back from Mel's until Friday afternoon (we're stopping at Steve's to visit with him and the kids on the way back here) and I'll be headed up to Mom and Dad's on Saturday afternoon with Penny. They're a lot closer to Midland than I am, so I'll head out to the evaluation from their house. I'm gonna wear Penny's ass out over the next few days - 48 hours with Jaegermeister will leave her so tired she'll be almost comatose by the time we get home on Friday, and I intend to keep her as active as I can right through Sunday morning so she'll be too tuckered to pull her stubborn act during the evaluation. I'll know as soon as we wake up on Sunday whether she'll be in a cooperative mood or not - if she's going to have a contrary day, I can see it in her eyes the instant she wakes. If she wakes up sweetly, we're in like Flynn. If she wakes up with the devil in her eyes, I'll have to take her down to the ballfield and play chase with her for a couple of hours to wear her out so she'll perform calmly and immediately when I give her a command. And I'm gonna be doing a lot of sit-down-sit-down drills with her between now and then.

She was very, very good yesterday, not only at MSU for the blood drawing for the blood donor screening, but in the waiting room at the vet's office when I took her there for her rabies booster. Except for one time when I gave her the down-stay command and she pulled her creeping act - she keeps her belly on the floor but creeps forward. I get to laugh when she does that, because she's not looking at me. Last night I checked out the ASL browser to find a sign for "creep" or "crawl", but neither was in the "dictionary"; I settled on "sneak" instead - it's a great sign, and quite distinctive. Now I have to teach her the sign and get her to do it on command; then I can combine "sneak" with "bad" to prevent her from doing it. I also learned the sign for "cookie" (treat) and "speak" (bark).

The commands/signs Penny understands to date: I love you/good girl, Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, Melinda (the letter M), Jaegermeister (the letter J), sit, down, come, stay, leave it, off, "we're gonna walk now", bad, cat, toy, food, kiss, shake hands, go for a ride/drive, quiet, gentle, calm/calm down, stop, don't bite (the kitties on the neck), pretty and girl, Penny, go out, watch (me), look/look at, baby, sleep, and crate. She understands a negative shake of the head, a positive nod, and she recognizes a smile and a wink as "silent" praise/good girl. And a face I make that means "and what are you supposed to do if you want me to do that/give you that?" - I make this face when she's begging for food (she knows she doesn't get any treats from my plate unless she's lying quietly and patiently on the floor), and I make the same face when she wants to go out and she's not sitting so I can hook up the leash. She'll stand at the back door looking through the window and wriggling with impatience to be out; finally she'll look up to see what's taking me so long to hook her up, see my face, and then she puts her little butt down on the floor pretty quickly. We're working on "give it to me", and she's beginning to get the idea of how to play fetch - she'll chase whatever I throw and then run around with it, but she's starting to run back to me now and drop the toy within about 4 feet of me so I can get it and throw it again.

Anyway, have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Every day is Thanksgiving for me - I'm so blessed, and I'm thankful every day for all my blessings, especially the 3- and 4-legged ones!

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